You made me cry and you don't even care
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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