I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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