clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
