She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
