The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize