My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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