Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
