I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
