i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
