the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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