Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm at about main and main street
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
