Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
