Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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