Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
