Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
