you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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