i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
