the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
