dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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