drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
