Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
