That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
