Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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