he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
