you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
