Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
