I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
