Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
