Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
