I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize