I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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