Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The adults are the big ones right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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