While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
