Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's shark week go big or go home
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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