oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
