i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
