Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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