We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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