Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize