she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
