I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
