yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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