You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
