if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
