I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
