Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
