that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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