Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
