I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
