Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
