The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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