and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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