WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
