I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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