it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
