he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
