So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
