Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
