help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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