She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
