If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
