She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
