I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
