apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
