I didn't shave. On purpose
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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