apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
