the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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